Do Unto Others

Isaac and I had a bitter wake-up call to what life has in store for him as he grows up. And I was just reminded why I don't like other people's kids. 

The weather was beautiful so I thought a trip to the park was in order. Isaac always has fun, plays his brains out then comes home worn out and happy. Today... was not one of those days.

Let me preface this with the fact that I know my child is not perfect. Three-year-olds are selfish, they are entitled and they want what they want. However, Isaac is sensitive, kind and sweet. He shares his toys well for any aged child, especially a three year old. He has his moments where he wants stuff and won't lay off of it, but for the most part, if you ask for something, he'll give you the shirt off his back. Literally. I'd love to take credit for all of his good behavior but a lot of it is just how he is. We do run a pretty tight ship at home, so he knows boundaries and what is expected, but he's just a good kid. There's no other way to describe him.

We got to the playground and it was crawling with kiddos. Most of the kids were around Isaac's age and so he was super excited. He made his usual dash for the stairs to get to the slide - waving and smiling to everyone he passed on his way. He's coming out of his shell these days so he'll stop to say "hi" to kids and their parents as he plays. [Did I mention that he's the sweetest kid in the world?]

After about 15 minutes of playing with some younger kids, a couple of older boys showed up. I'm guessing they were around 4. Isaac saw them, looked at me, pointed to them and mouthed "Can I play with them??" I didn't see a problem with him going over to play with them. They showed up with some Hot Wheels and Cars cars which Isaac was enthralled with. Isaac never has a problem with kids on the playground... ever. He gets along with everyone, so not expecting anything bad, he walks over to say hi. The two boys just look at him and turn away, taking all their cars with them.

Timeout: I know that not every kid wants to play with every other kid on the playground, but I could tell that these kids were special... and not in a good way.

Isaac looked back at me with a "What did I do?" kind of look on his face and I just shrugged. He's a boy and he's going to have to start dealing with tough social situations eventually. I figured he'd take the rejection and move on. Oh no... he kept following them around.

These boys had so many cars. They could hardly carry all the cars they had with them. They were shooting them down the slides, racing them around on the stairs, etc. Isaac went up to the ring leader of the two and asked very, VERY nicely "Can I please play with one of your cars?" [I know I'm the mom, but I was impressed by Isaac's manners]. The kid just looked at him, yelled "NO!" and ran off with his friend. Again, Isaac looked over at me, with tears in his eyes, he said "I said 'Please'!" My heart started breaking.

Isaac knows how to act around other people. We've taught him to say "Please" and "Thank you." We've taught him to share his toys with other kids. We've taught him to say "Hi" to be nice... we forgot to teach him that other kids aren't taught the same things... and that other kids are jerks.

Isaac wasn't giving up. He followed the boys again. Again, the ring leader dropped the one car that Isaac wanted to play with. Isaac picked it up and took it back over to him to give it back. The kid grabbed it, without saying thank you and ran off. Again, Isaac looked at me... teary-eyed. The boys had ran off up to the top of the biggest corkscrew slide and THREW all their cars down the slide. Isaac just watched, wishing he could play too. The boys slid down to the bottom to collect their cars. Again, the ring leader left the ONE car that Isaac wanted to play with and ran off... totally unaware of the abandonment.

What does Isaac do? He does not take the car and run off with it. [If he had, I totally would have let him at this point] He looks at me, walks over to the car, picks it up and takes it back to the boy. "Can I play with this one?" Isaac asks. The kid just scowls at him, snatches it away and runs off. Isaac stands there. Tears welling up again.

At that point, I was done. I wanted to go over there and take the stupid car from that little brat and give it to Isaac. I wanted to find that kid's mom and give her the what for. I wanted to take Isaac to the store to get him an even better car to play with so he could make the OTHER boys jealous with his awesome toy. No, I can't take out my frustration on other people and I can't teach Isaac to get something bigger an better than the next guy, so...  I motioned for Isaac to come over to me and told him we were leaving, which only causes him to burst into tears, begging me to stay. I was through watching him be nice, be polite, and even return the toy that he wanted so badly to play with, to an ungrateful mongrel that just scowls and yells.

I just let Isaac cry as we walked to the car. I could tell that the other moms and nannies were watching me - probably thinking I'm a horrible mother for ripping my child from the playground when he still wanted to play. They were probably thinking, "What a momma's boy. What kind of mother takes her child from the playground JUST because other kids won't let him play with their cars. Teach that kid to man up!"

...Actually, they probably weren't thinking any of this since none of them were paying attention to anything happening on the playground at all. They were too busy bitching about their "lazy husbands" and playing on their iPhones to pay attention to their bratty little snots sending younger kids into complete self-doubting meltdowns.

Once I got Isaac in the car with a snack to help him calm down, he composed himself enough to ask the heartbreaking question, "Why were those boys not nice to me?"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say "Because they're little jerks that don't get enough hugs at home since their parents care more about their latest Twitter update than teaching them how to share." Of course I'm not going to say that to Isaac... what would that teach him? To cut down other kids to make himself feel better? No, I'll keep that reasoning to myself.

I told him I didn't know. I told him that not every kid shares as well as he does or is as generous as he is. Not every kid is as sweet to people that they just meet. I told him that I love him and it doesn't matter what those other boys think. They're missing out, not him. I told him not to change who he is just so he can be accepted by other kids. By this time in the conversation, I had tears streaming down my face matching Isaac's. I just wanted to hold him - tell him how amazing he is - tell him that he is a special little boy who is so full of love and generosity and that I'm so PROUD of him for the little man that he is. Tell him that people suck and this is a fact of life... When we got home, I did the first part of that, but again, I kept the sucky people part to myself.

Of course I don't want Isaac to be one of those kids that gets steam rolled, but I don't EVER want him to be one of those kids that brings another one to tears for something as menial as a car toy. There is nothing wrong with a young boy being sensitive and caring. It doesn't make him a "momma's boy," weak or anything else along those lines. My son is independent, creative and generous. He told me, "If I had those cars, I would have shared with those boys." I know you would have buddy. I know.  He hasn't even officially been taught "Do unto others..." but he knows the theory just the same. I'm so proud of my amazing little boy.

We both just had a cruel awakening to what lies ahead for him in life... not just at the playground but school, work, relationships... Life is hard, but at least we know the truth.

He's fine now. It wasn't anything that some tater tots and a milk shake couldn't solve.

Anyway... if it were me in his shoes, I would have just flipped them off and walked away... ah, I love that kindergarten story that my mom loves to tell about me. Maybe I'll teach him that in a couple years. Like mother, like son? Right? Juuuuust kidding.